You’re an Asshole and you’re Embarassed, but You’re not a Liar
“Why is faking the nature of reality bad?”
“Because reality exists. No matter how hard you try to treat things differently than they really are, they still are. A job that drains your will to live is a job that drains your will to live. A girl who doesn’t respect you, doesn’t respect you.
When the disconnect with reality comes from a genuine error, the mistake is open to correction. The evidence of a fallacy shows up in the form of contradiction, and logic and reason can help stitch things back together. But intentional deceit makes the perpetrator a fugitive; sometimes physically, always intellectually. For whenever a liar’s evidence contradicts itself, he must flee further and further from the facts to maintain his sliding grip on sincerity.
The safe haven from the perils of denying what is, is radical honesty. To commit to radical honesty is to take an oath sworn directly on the face of existence. It’s a pledge–in your work, in your relationships, and to yourself–to see things exactly as they are, to the best of your ability. It acknowledges that almost all things are small things and that nothing is bigger than the truth.”
These are the words of Brad Bollenbach.
You’re an Asshole
Get used to hearing those words. You may come off as an asshole at times, but telling someone the truth is likely what they need to hear in the long run– but probably not what they want to hear right at that very moment. The truth can be hurtful, but how you feel given any particular situation can make a huge difference in that person’s life. Everybody is good at something. If you feel you’ve insulted someone by telling them the truth, unless you are really just an asshole, follow it up with a positive comment.
This happened to me just today actually. A friend of mine came into my office and asked me to take a look at his website and provide him with feedback about the landing page. I told him that I found the title font boring and ugly and that the front page image made no sense whatsoever. The funny thing is, once he did a double take at the homepage he agreed.
I’m not sure if I followed up with a positive comment about the page. I probably should have now that I think about — he’ll be alright.
(By the way I already know that my header image/logo sucks. I beat you to the punch! I’m working on it)
Telling the Truth will be Embarrassing
You know all of those weird thoughts that you think of occasionally? Have no shame we all have them. You’ll be surprised to find out that the things that you are thinking up in your head really aren’t as weird, or as big of a deal as you think they are.
Embarrassing? Only for a minute. If people think of you differently then so be it. A true friend will understand. If they don’t, just think, there is someone out there that has the exact same thought as you and likely worse. People are fearful of revealing their true thoughts because they think people will treat them differently. Guaranteed there are thousands of people out there having that same thought as you (including sane and normal people) but may be reluctant to say it. Take a glance at all of the new facebook groups that have been created over the past few years. Unbelievable what you will find out there.
If you want to learn how to become more comfortable in your skin, this is a great place to start.
The Benefits of Being Radically Honest
A “white lie” as they so call it, is the quick way out of a moment of temporary discomfort. Keep it up and the one’s around you are going to start catching you and perceive you as a deceitful person. We are all liars in one way or another. Often times we don’t even know we’re lying. If someone asks you what you think tell them the truth. Here are a few good reasons why:
(1) It saves time – You don’t actually have to think of something clever to say, say exactly what’s on your mind.
(2) You’ll build stronger relationships that are built on a foundation of trust. If you tell a person exactly what you think about them and their ideas all of the time, they will begin to do the same with you. This will nourish a stronger relationship and make you a better person. You’ll be able to work on the things that you truly suck at or, better yet quit and do the things that you are good at.
That’s all I got for now. By the way these were just things that I came up with off the top of my head and were also ideas that were brought forth by a couple of the readings that spurred the posting of this article.
Time for me to put these principles into practice. Who says you can’t write about things that you haven’t fully tested or tried. I may have some interesting stories to tell in the near future if I can successfully implement these ideas. I’m sure you will too.
Please do share.
P.S. Feel free to be radically honest and provide me with some feedback on this website. God knows we all need it.
Additional Readings and Sources
Quote From: 30Sleeps.com
The article that gave me the idea to try this out: “I think You’re Fat”
Image Provided By: hapticflapjack
