I can’t tell anyone about what I really want. What would they say?
That’s a question I’ve asked myself way too many times over the years. If not that one, similar ones. What would my friends say? What would my wife think? What if people criticize me?
I’ve spent the better part of the last 25 years trying to avoid criticism, usually by hiding my true desires and intentions. I didn’t want those things any less and my beliefs didn’t actually change but there were far too many things that I really wanted or believed that I buried under a facade to avoid criticism and conflict.
Worst of all, most of it was in my head. I never actually shared those things so the criticism or conflict I was trying to avoid might not have even happened.
But even if it did, would it have been my problem or someone else’s? I submit it would have been theirs. That’s probably the most valuable lesson I’ve learned, even if I didn’t really learn it until middle-age.
But my hiding or avoiding those things is a symptom of a bigger problem than just wanting to avoid conflict. It’s a sign that I didn’t actually trust the universe.
I’ve had hopes and dreams my whole life and have set intentions, tried to use the Law of Attraction and so many other things trying to achieve them. But deep down, I never really trusted the universe to deliver those things.
Having the best of intentions isn’t enough to manifest the life you want if you don’t trust that the universe will actually give it to you. And worrying about what other people are going to say or do when you make your intentions known is a sign that you don’t trust the universe.
Or that you don’t trust yourself to be able to persevere in the face of criticism. Which comes down to the same thing, really.
Once in a while, I did share my dreams and intentions and someone – usually my wife – told me all the reasons they weren’t going to work out. Why I should stick with something realistic. And 99 times out of 100, I would cave in and go back to doing more realistic things.
All that got me was deeper in debt, further from my goals and farther along a path that led to mediocrity, a boring life and likely would have led to an early death. I’m sure if I hadn’t recognized the problem now, I sure would have when I was on that early deathbed. Only it would have been too late and regret would have weighed heavy.
It’s too bad that I didn’t come to this realization sooner but I’m not too broken up about it. It helped me build character and shaped me into the person I am today. Fortunately, I expect to have as many years ahead of me as I’ve got behind me and I’m heading into the second half of life with a fresh outlook on life.
To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.