Ten years of this shit is enough.
I’m tired of living my life according to what other people think I should be doing. I’m tired of being broke and in debt. I’m tired of being in a loveless marriage. I’m tired of living in a house that is so full of clutter that I can’t sit anywhere without looking at a big pile of crap. I’m tired of struggling to make a living online. I’m pretty much tired of it all.
Reading back over that, I guess it sound a bit like I’m ready to slit my wrists. There was a time that would have crossed my mind as one option to get away from this life.
Not anymore though. Now I’m just fed up with all of it and ready to make a fresh start. At 48 years old. Hard to believe I’ve wasted nearly all of my 40’s – and on a larger scale, roughly half of the years I expect to be on this earth.
What the hell have I been thinking?
The fact is, I haven’t been. At least not in any way that makes sense. I thought I needed to try and keep my wife happy in spite of all the problems. I thought I needed to keep the family together for my kids’ sake. I thought I was some kind of sinner and would be going to hell because I didn’t believe in the religion I was brought up in any longer.
I never really thought about what I needed to be happy though. And how me being happy would be a hell of a lot more meaningful to my kids’ lives than living in the same house as their mother.
So what is this site all about? It’s about my journey to find happiness again. To put all the garbage in my life aside and start looking out for myself.
When I was a kid, my dad always told me to “look out for number one.” At the time I thought that sounded pretty selfish, but now I realize he was on to something. It’s a lot easier to help other people if you’re in a good place yourself.
I’m already on the path to recovery in some ways. I changed my diet and started getting regular exercise at the beginning of 2017. I lost roughly 70 pounds, and have stayed relatively stable for months now. Now my goal is to build a physique that I can be proud of.
Other things haven’t even really started yet. I don’t have a plan for splitting up with my wife, even though we can’t stand each other and hardly say two words when we’re in the same room. And I don’t know what kind of business I’m going to build, online or otherwise.
So this site is going to document my journey. It will be a journal of sorts. My hope is that it will help other people in similar situations to make changes in their own life. Everybody deserves to be happy, no matter what your life has been up to this point. If I can help even one other person see that I’ll consider this project a success.
I’m not committing to a particular writing schedule or any specific topics that I’m going to write about. I’ll write when the inspiration hits me, about things I want to say. Hopefully some of those will land for you, dear reader.
I have no preconceptions about what this site will become. If it somehow brings money into my life, that would be great. If not, that’s okay too. I’ve spent 15 years trying to build something online. I’m done trying. I’m ready to start doing.
Do, or do not. There is no try.